The Mysterious Package For Franklin DD
by XspriteyX
Summary: Pretty much as the title says, a package arrives for Donut but everyone has forgotten what Donut's first name is, so he makes a bet with them, will they win it? Or will they suffer the consequences of losing? :)


It started off with a simple package, a parcel addressed to a Franklin D. D.

The parcel caused some confusion amongst the Reds and Blues in the canyon as no-one could suss out who it was meant for.

Sarge cocked his shotgun saying "Alright you overgrown blue tacs when did you sneak another soldier into the ranks!?"

Church said "Oh yeah we really have a new Blue member on our team, actually when we got him we also got pay rises and a box of assorted cookies each."

Caboose looked at Church "Did we really!? I love cookies!"

Church sighed "No Caboose."

Simmons looked at the name on the box again "Franklin D. D. Why does that sound familiar?"

Grif commented "I don't know, name of one of your old chess club buddies maybe? Figures that your nerd friends would send you a care package."

Simmons replied "First off I was never if the chess club, those guys were all idiots, second if someone was sending a care package they wouldn't put their own name on the box dumb ass."

Grif nodded "Right what was I thinking? After all who would send you mail?"

"At least if I got mail people would know I wouldn't eat it."

"Hey if it's edible it gets eaten, that's the way the world works either get with it or get left behind."

Washington turned the box over in his hands carefully, he shook it very lightly once tapping on the side cautiously "This might be a trap, there could be a bomb hidden in here or a homing beacon."

Tucker said "Or it could be a birthday present you know like one of those cakes the hot girl bursts out of."

Simmons and Grif shuddered which Church noticed so he asked "What's with you guys?"

They muttered "Officer hot pants." like the name was associated with some sort of dark lord.

Washington sat the package on the ground saying "Perhaps the safest thing would be to destroy it."

Sarge said "Hold your horses there I think that's what you want us to do! That box could hold some vital army Intel for the Red team that you don't want us to see well I'm not falling for your con that easy!"

Tucked piped up "And what if there really is a chick in there!?"

Church said "You should know by now Tucker that it never is a girl, it never will be a girl and even if it was a girl she probably would be a murderous bad ass."

"Eh I can dream."

"You do that because that's all you'll ever get at this rate."

Donut strode over to see what everyone was talking about and after seeing the label he picked it up saying "Oo la la looks like my massage oils are here!"

Washington said "Wait-YOU'RE Franklin!?"

Donut placed a hand on his hip "Franklin Delano Donut, or as I like to say double O Donut license to thrill! Didn't the guys tell you my name?"

The Blues all looked at the Reds.

Grif said "Don't look at me Simmons is the one who remembers stuff."

Simmons sounded grumpy as he said "Yeah IMPORTANT stuff like how much ammo, rations and fuel we have!"

Donut huffed "How rude! Sarge you at least knew the box was for me right?"

Sarge grumbled "I'm sorry but it seems like my age has caught up with me and I have lost my hearing. Oh woe is me!"

Grif said "You're a terrible leader."

Sarge growled not saying anything so Grif added "I also broke a few things on the puma the other day."

The unhappy growl got louder.

"Also this canyon, including Red base, sucks."

Sarge cocked his shotgun pointing at Grif "Take that back or taste lead dirtbag!"

Grif responded in a false surprised tone "Oh hey look at that Sarge your hearing has come back! Isn't that a miracle?"

Donut through his free hand up in the air "I cannot believe you guys forgot my first name!"

Grif said "Hey if it makes you feel better I didn't forget I just didn't care enough to listen to you when you told us."

Tucker added "So Church isn't the only one to not care about knowing his team mates first names, small world huh?"

Church said "Oh come man that was one time! Are you ever going to that go? Your first name is Lavernius, see I remember! That's more of an effort than those guys have made!"

"Oh yeah? They just didn't remember because it's Donut watch this, hey Grif what's Simmons first name?"

Grif answered without hesitation "Dick."

Tucker then said "Yo Simmons what's Grif's first name?"

Simmons answered just as easily "Dexter."

Donut squawked "You guys are so mean!"

Tucker turned to Church "Now do you see my point _Leonard_?"

Caboose grabbed his helmet "All these strange names are making me dizzy, it is weird to hear them going round and round."

Donut tapped his chin "Hey that's a good point, how come we don't call each other by our first names? In fact we don't even call Wash by his name at all! That's just his Freelancer code name, what's your actual name?"

Washington answered "David."

Donut flailed an arm "See? Why do we do it!?"

The assembled soldiers said nothing for a moment before Church said "I do it because in my mind they are your names."

Donut would roll his eyes except he knew the effect would be completely pointless since no one would see it "You guys are hopeless."

Cabosee held his hand up in the air, Donut said "Yes Michael?"

Tucker whispered "How the heck does he know his name?"

Church shrugged as Caboose said "I am not helpless I can get my own orange juice."

He sounded quite proud of himself so Donut gave him a thumbs up "Very good but I said HOPELESS not HELPLESS."

Caboose let out a small "Oh. I like helping people."

Church said "Yeah whatever Caboose."

Donut frowned, again he mourned that they couldn't see since he knew this was a particularly awesome scowl, then said cheerfully "Alright how about a little wager?" The troops were instantly on guard as he continued "If you guys call each other by your first names for a day without slipping up I will do a task for each of you, anything you want, if you win."

Grif said "So if I wanted you to be my personal slave for a day you'd do it?"

Donut nodded "Yep."

Church sounded happy as he asked "And if I wanted you to join Blue team for a day?"

Donut waved a hand "Anything you want, but no longer than a day and only one thing."

Sarge shouted "Great galloping Galileo Donut have you gone mad!?"

"No Sir I haven't but if I win you have to do each have to do something for me."

That quietened down the troops down again.

Simmons muttered "Is it worth the risk?"

Washington said "I'm not getting involved this is ridiculous."

Donut examined his armor clad fingers "Why David? Afraid you'll slip up? Because be assured during this bet I will have eyes and ears everywhere."

Church said "You got a deal, you're on. When do we start?"

Donut answered "If you're all game we start tomorrow from six am til six am, now if you excuse me I have a few oils to try out."

He walked away whistling merrily.

Tucker asked "Anyone else feel like we just made a deal with the devil?"

* * *

The next morning found Simmons eating breakfast just after seven in the morning when Grif stumbled in looking tired and grumpy.

Simmons asked "What's wrong with you?"

Grif snatched a piece of Simmons toast ignoring the swipe he got for doing so, he swallowed down three bites the answered "It's this stupid bet it had me tossing and turning all night as I imagined the things that he could make us do if we loose."

Simmons grimaced "Yeah that's not exactly a pleasant thought."

Donut skipped in "Good morning guys! How did you sleep?"

Grif nearly choked on his toast "You trying to kill me?"

Donut pouted, secretly thrilled that the pouts full effect was being used properly, "Of course not why would you think that? So Dexter what are your plans for today?"

Grif swallowed as he realized he'd forgotten Donut's name again, luckily Simmons came to the rescue and said "He's got patrol duty with me Franklin and I am not letting his fat ass sit around doing nothing whilst I do all the work. Speaking of which we better get going, come on Dexter."

Grif didn't hesitate to follow after him "If I have to, later Franklin, hey Dick wait for me!"

Donut prepared his cheerio's with a big grin as he heard them on the earpiece hidden under his hair "Thanks for the save I thought I was a goner."

"Well don't expect it again I only helped you this time because I dread to think what he has planned for us if we loose."

Donut grinned drinking his tea he knew this day was going to great fun.

* * *

Later on during a 'battle' of protecting the flag all was going well for the Blues until Caboose made a mistake and shot Church in the foot.

The Blue leader yelled "GOD DAMN IT CABOOSE!"

Caboose said sheepishly "Not my fault Tucker did it."

Tucker laughed "Oh you guys are screwed now you've lost the bet!"

Church stopped hopping around as he realized that "SHIT! He didn't hear us did he?"

Donut coughed politely from behind him "Hello."

Church swore up a storm as Tucker laughed like a mad man as Washington reloaded his gun saying "Could we maybe focus on protecting our flag please?"

Sarge yelled out "Surrender now Blues we have you right where we want you!"

Grif added "Yeah! Suck it Blues!"

Tucker without thinking called back "No way! That's what you and Simmons do-FUCK!"

Church said happily "Oh what was that Tucker? Did you just join the loosing circle?"

Donut said "That's three down, four to go, nice shot David."

Washington said awkwardly "Uh thank you but maybe you should go back to your team now?"

Donut waved a hand "No it's fine I'm keeping equal tabs on both sides so nobody tries to cheat."

Washington reloaded his gun again "Right." Then checked his internal timer, "CEASE FIRE THE GAME IS OVER!"

Sarge grumbled "Darn it! And we were so close to achieving victory as well!"

Grif snorted "Close? How were we close? We didn't even get out of our own base."

"Shut up Grif."

Donut called out "I heard that Sarge! You loose as well!"

Sarge snapped his fingers "Now I'm at Donut's mercy and it's all your fault Grif! Prepare to meet your fate for condemning a superior officer!"

Grif said "Yeah about that..."

Sarge cocked and fired his shotgun only for nothing to happen.

Grif continued "We're out of ammo again."

Sarge growled under his breath before he went off into Red Base.

Donut clapped his hands "OK guys for the Blue team there's just David left and for the Red team there's Dick and Dexter on the running, good job guys."

Tucker said "My moneys on the Reds lasting til morning."

Church asked "Oh? And why is that?"

Tucker pointed at them "Uh hello they're ALWAYS together there's no way they're going to forget each others names. Face it dude they're the only ones who aren't going to have to suffer Donut's punishment."

Church commented "Not necessarily."

* * *

That night Grif and Simmons were relaxed on the sofa watching some space program, "A few more hours and we're the clear."

Grif held up a beer "I'll drink to that."

Simmons frowned "Where did you get that?"

Grif popped the top open not really paying attention "I found a six pack under the sink."

Simmons tried to take it off him "They could be Sarge's for all you know! Put it back!"

Grif held the beer out of reach "Hey get off! If you want one go get one yourself!"

Simmons reached further trying to grab the offending item "Grif I'm serious we're not supposed to drink on the job anyway!"

Grif leaned back as far as he could imagine "Geez Simmons can't you stop being a kiss ass for just one minute!"

They continued to struggle until Donut perched on the back of the sofa saying in a sing song tone "You're out~"

They stopped in flash both paling like they'd seen a ghost as Donut swayed off "See you in the morning guys."

Grif said "Wanna witness my will?"

Simmons sighed "Only if you make an effort to witness mine."

* * *

The next day Donut had them all assembled in the middle of the canyon.

Washington was completely relaxed which couldn't be said about the others who were fidgeting as they awaited Donut's verdict.

Donut said "Right the only winner of my little challenge is David! So what do you want me to do for you?"

Washington said "You could make a couple of batches of cookies, Caboose likes those."

Caboose bounced on the stop "Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes! This is the best present ever!"

Donut nodded "OK it will be done, now as for you guys I had a good long think about what I want you to do for me."

Tucker groaned "It doesn't have anything involving girls does it? Because I would totally get behind that. Bow chika bow wow."

Donut said "Nope. I have just the thing and each of you has a part to play."

The soldiers shared a look then looked back at Donut.

Simmons asked "What sort of thing?"

* * *

"Oh Dick where-art tho Dick, with a nerdy disposition and shyness the size of Alabama."

Simmons said "Your line is actually with blazing red hair and sun kissed freckles."

Grif replied "Who cares? Besides I think my versions fits better."

"Hey there is nothing wrong with wanting perfection in any performance I do, and since you're apart of this performance you need to get your act together."

"Like I care we're only doing this because Donut's making us."

Donut pulled up his megaphone saying "Very good guys take five, alright can we Laverinus, Leonard, Sarge and Michael to the stage for the next scene please?"

He put it down again asking "How are you enjoying the performance assistant director David?"

Washington had a small grin as he watching the teams go through embarrassing scripts to please Donut's whims and said back "It's not bad, how about Lavernius gets a bit more into it though? He isn't hamming it up enough."

Donut smiled back "Good suggestion, come one Lavernius let's get some feelings here! I want chills!"

Tucker could feel his manliness curling into a ball and dying as he took Church's hand dramatically "Please don't leave me, can't you see I'm prepared to give you everything? Except the ladies but nobody could take them from me."

Church locked away any emotion he was feeling pretending this was all a dream as he placed a hand on Tucker's cheek "Alas it was not meant to be as I must flee to the hills with the handsome blacksmiths son Michael and his aging father."

Tucker clutched his chest "But couldn't I follow thee?"

Church shook his head "No because I'm afraid I feel my feelings changing and..."

Tucker pretended to swoon "And? There's more?"

Church said "Yes... THIS IS BULLSHIT! What language are we even speaking!? I'm not doing this anymore!"

Donut sighed "Pity you're an excellent actor, oh well I suppose I could find something else for you to do for me."

The smirk he shot Church was absolutely wicked.

Church swallowed "You know what I had a bout of stage fright, I'm alright to go on."

Sarge read in a zombie voice "Quick son we must escape to the mountains before the pirates find us."

Caboose read in the same tone "Michael nods, yes father we must go now come quickly my new lover."

Washington chuckled quietly "This might just be the greatest victory ever."

Donut placed sunglasses on his face "Of all time. LET'S SEE MORE PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW PEOPLE!"

~The End~


End file.
